Told with precision, grace, and painstaking honesty, Quick, Before the Music Stops is the tale of one woman’s midlife renewal through dance, and how her newfound empowerment transcends the dance floor and becomes immediate and relevant in every aspect of her life. It shows us how to recognize and celebrate both our strengths and our flaws, reignite passion for the everyday, and how to step from the periphery into the light and surrender to the music.

1. Janet theorizes that new couples base their attraction on what amounts to a sketch of each other’s real characters, based on limited facts and filled in by assumptions and fantasy. What do you think of this theory? Is it true of other kinds of relationships? In your own life, what assumptions do you make upon encountering a new person at work, socially, or in passing?
2. Janet describes herself as having “a cerebral appreciation of dance.” How would you describe her emotional relationship with dance? Is it more important to her than her physical connection? Do you think this balance changes during the course of the book?
3. Between the strict International style, looser American style, sexy Latin, and meticulous Standard, could you describe your own personal style in dancing terms? What styles do you think other characters in the book would dance? Peter? Greg? Erica and Alden? Janet’s parents?
4. One of the first revelations Janet attributes to her return to dancing is that a woman’s beauty comes from “doing.” Do you think she believes this? Would she apply this standard to her daughters? Do you think she comes to appreciate her own beauty in other ways?
5. Janet is amazed by the idea of “touch dancers,” who not only anticipate each other’s direction, but even seem to relinquish a sense of boundary between their bodies and breath. This sounds like the kind of loss of control that terrifies her–not at all the “pared-down and essential” Standard style to which she is naturally drawn. Why is a loss of control at once so frightening and so thrilling for her? Is this a worthwhile struggle? How “in control” do you think she is at the book’s conclusion?
6. Describing an incident with Yuri, Janet says, “Maybe he thinks it’s PMS….I don’t even get PMS. I’m not a victim of these forces.” And then “Crying saps my power.” What does she mean by “force” and “power”? Do these seem apt terms to describe her emotional fluctuations?
7. “My dancing has unleashed some feminine powers in me, and I’m really into it for the first time since the 1970s quashed all that for women.” Janet often seems to have a bitter regard for “women’s lib.” Do you understand her mixed emotions where female empowerment is concerned? Where does this conflict stem from? Does this relate to her affinity for partner dancing?
8. When Janet approaches Bill at Dance New York for the first time, he asks, “What are you doing with your dancing now?” She explains that her lessons with Yuri are not working out. How else could she answer this question? What do you think she is “doing” with her dance at this point, and later?
9. In an early lesson, Bill advises Janet to focus more on making her partner comfortable. She thinks, “I’m so well trained in that in the outside world.” Is she? What do you make of this claim given her relationship with her husband? How would she justify it?
10. One of the positive benefits of dance that Janet acknowledges is the validation of her multiple inner selves: the good girl, the good soldier, the geisha. What other characters does she discover? Do you think she is identifying distinct forces that have been there all along, or just being playful in analyzing very normal emotions? Do you ever think of your own personality in this way? Who are your dominating characters?
11. Janet’s concept of “trying easier” is initially difficult for her to grasp–and more difficult to execute–but nevertheless is an important step for her toward better dancing. She uses this principle in her job when she prepares less rigorously for a meeting and, as a result, pitches a successful article idea. How does it apply to her personal life? Do you think she applies the lesson as it was intended? Do you think she applies it well?
12. What do you make of Janet’s statement, “We don’t dance only for joy; if we’re lucky, we sometimes dance for pain”? What does this mean in her life? Does this sort of thinking imply that dance and art are necessarily a therapeutic process? Is this a valid assertion?
13. Of all the men in Janet’s life, Bill is perhaps the most striking foil to Peter’s shortcomings. Janet admits to falling under the spell of “teacher love” in a fairly platonic way–but are you surprised that she doesn’t feel more of a romantic attachment to him? Why or why not?
14. Janet struggles during her group lessons to “dance as man,” and uncomfortably finds her way to simply pushing harder to emulate the dance leader’s role. In her life, she exerts power less directly to get her way. “I know how to get my way, and it’s not with physical force,” she says. Does this statement surprise you, given her struggles to get her way in her marriage? What do you think she considers “her way” as she says this?
15. In the introduction, the author describes the feeling of being half-dead while at a bar mitzvah with her husband. Consider this with her description, later, of dancing at 7/8, and then living at closer to 15/16. What do you make of this concept of living by parts? Is negotiating the “wholeness” of life a natural part of living? Does it have anything to do with the concept of a marriage’s half-life, which comes up at the end of the book?
16. Janet feels early in the book that she has returned to “her tribe” by finding dance again. But it’s clear that she also has some very loyal and beloved non-dancing friends. Would they be considered part of her tribe? Why or why not?
17. Why is Janet so devastated by the death of Lucky the rabbit? Does this have to do with her general fear of death-as-worst-case-scenario? What does Lucky symbolize for her?
18. What do you think of the open-marriage experiment? Could it have worked? Why or why not?
19. Do you think that the lessons Janet learns from dancing will serve her well in her next relationship? Why or why not?
20. The subtitle of the book is “How Ballroom Dancing Saved My Life.” Did it? What do you think would have happened if ballroom dancing had remained a memory for Janet?